Relationships & Endometriosis

Wow, now this is going to be an interesting one. Speaking as someone who is recently single, I will point out that my knowledge in this area isn’t that vast. 

As shared in my first blog post, when I found out after surgery that I have endometriosis, I was in a relationship. It definitely took my ex and I a while to get into the swing of things in terms of learning what endometriosis is and what effect it was going to have on us for the future we had wanted together etc. After a while I feel that he got sick and tired of me talking about it and having to put up with me in terms of pain. It was not something that he had signed up for.

It wasn’t a long relationship, it was a very short one. And didn’t last as long as I had wanted it to which does hurt. I had personal standards that needed to be met for myself in a partner, and I lowered them for him because I was in love with him. And I believed that he would change.

This was my first endo relationship, and I do worry for the future of meeting someone I like who also likes me and having to tell them I have endometriosis, and will not physically be able to be intimate all the time and always having that risk of infertility. Which is part of the reason why it was incredibly hard for me to let go of my ex. I know some will run in the opposite direction, and others will stay but find it frustrating. But after a little while I came to the realisation that the right person will accept me for who I am, and look at endometriosis not as a part of me, but a common enemy for the both of us. I believe I was given endometriosis for a reason. And that reason has not come to my attention yet but I know it will in the very near future. Perhaps it could be that it will show me who is reliable in a moment of emergency and who isn’t. 

I feel for ladies who have endometriosis, it’s never weak of you to ask for help and to make sure that you have support people around you who can assist and help you in times of need. And I can also not stress enough, do not put your all into a new relationship. Do not use all your spoons to make the other person feel loved. Do what you can do and what feels right. Match their input into the relationship, do not go above and beyond when they don’t respect you because it does end in heartbreak and stress, for me anyway, results in more endo pain and emergency hospital visits. It’s absolutely without a doubt not worth it. Do not put your health at risk for someone else.

At the end of the day, you need to learn to love yourself and who you are first before being able to love someone else. You need to accept what you have (chronic illness) instead of trying to put it to one side and think it’s not real and you don’t really have it. You have every right to feel normal of course, but you also need to work with what you have and what your body is physically able to do each day. So I cannot urge this enough, please, don’t waste your precious spoons. It’s okay to be selfish.

Lots of love,

Brie xx