The Start Of Everything New

Hello lovelies!

Well what can I say - I have a clean slate at the moment. Everything is pure and positive and finally on the right track. University starts soon, I have a new job that is actually at the university as well and I am moving out of home (kind of). 

First off - university. I’ve kind of touched on this in my last post but I thought I’d dive into more depth of what I’ll be doing etc now. I will be doing what is called a conjoint degree - basically studying for two degrees at the same time. My main degree will be a bachelor in Law (LLB) and bachelor of Arts (BA) First year law I will be studying intro to legal system, case law and statute law. As for the BA, the subjects I’m taking are international relations, criminology and theatre. Musical theatre was a big part of my life when I was little so getting back to even a taste of that will be magical. My timetable is full on and I will be extremely tired, especially with endo, but I am so motivated to just make it happen since I have waited so long for it and worked so hard to get where I am now.

To make university even more exciting and getting me on the edge of my seat in terms of wanting to start straight away is I obtained a job at a bar/cafe inside the university called The Hunter Lounge. Working and studying in the same place - how good is that?? Everything has fallen into place all at the same time and I go to bed at night so happy knowing everything is finally working out the way I had always hoped it would.

Thirdly! I am (not officially) moving out of home! On my days of study I will be staying closer to the university and coming home on the weekends. Just a stepping stone until I flat with fellow minded people from uni. It’s a step in the right direction and gaining some of my own independence as well as being in a new environment and being around a quiet place (which is always a bonus for study). Not to mention the fact one of my neighbours is a lawyer - who practices the same types of law that I want to. 

In terms of endo - the pain has been dying down a little and not being so prominent every day. The only negative thing that has happened with endo recently is the return of bleeding during intercourse. Now, it went away for a while so I was happy in the knowledge that it wasn’t going to happen again but then it decided to make itself known. Which to say in the least was a tad embarrassing so I went to doctor google as well as some endo sisters and everything that I am doing in terms of birth control and pain relief for endo is a contributor to mid-sex bleeding. Ahh, the joys. 

That’s all from me for now!

Lots of love,

Brie xx

A Letter To My Body

Dear little, tiny, petite, skinny, blows-away-in-the-wind body.

You’ve come a long way and you’ve got the marks to prove it. You’ve got freckles, scars, scratches, bruises and anything else under the sun. You’ve also been through the ringer.

I’m sorry I’ve dulled you down from the unlimited amount of pain killers and birth control. But to be completely honest, you kind of had it coming. Because you’ve put me through the ringer.

As soon as you started making me feel so much pain that I couldn’t bear it, I hated you. I hated that you made me feel so shit about myself every day and I didn’t know why you were doing it to me. Telling people how I was feeling made them think I was crazy which in turn made me think I actually was. You made me lose friends, end relationships and cause tension in my family. You pushed me around, made me have sleepless nights and cancel important plans. You’ve put me behind in my education and not at the same level as my peers. I’ll never be able to forgive you for that. 

On 20th October 2015 you were exposed for what you are doing to me. It all made sense but that’s when I understood you’re never going to stop. You have no empathy, even when I was depressed and not motivated to do anything with my life you continued to cause me more pain.

It took me a while to realise it’s not all your fault though, there’s something inside you that you can’t fight on your own. And the way you made me feel was you telling me you’re not okay and not well. So even though you’ve caused me a lot of pain; physical and emotional, I understand what you’re going through and I’m with you all the way until death. I will try my best to give you all the rest you need and a fulfilled, exciting time with me. Unfortunately you’ll have to go through countless surgeries, pain medications, poking and prodding by random people with name tags and needles (and we know how much we hate needles). 

I’m going to treat you well for sticking with me through my own tough times. Through heartache, victories, let downs and moments that will change my life forever. You've been loved by a boy despite your scars and that will come again in the future. I know you and the issue we both have reacts to stress, so I’ll try and keep that to a minimum as much as I can. Also, thanks for liking Doritos so much because they’re quite important to me. One change you will notice soon is you’re going to have a decoration (also known as a tattoo). I’m doing it for the both of us, it will serve as a reminder to us everyday why we fight. Because only we know what we go through every single day. 

I will put on a brave face for you every minute of every moment, no matter what you decide to throw my way. I will be smiling after every surgery, every doctor and specialist appointment, every emergency hospital visit. Most likely in the form of puns and flirting shamelessly with nurses.

Despite all we have been through, I’ve come to love you again. It’s been a long journey to get there. Sure some days I’ll get angry at you, but I will never stop loving you again. You’ve made me a more positive person, so thank you for that.

Lots of love,

Brie xx

PS: Keep those ovaries healthy, I need them for something important in the near future.