The Start Of Everything New

Hello lovelies!

Well what can I say - I have a clean slate at the moment. Everything is pure and positive and finally on the right track. University starts soon, I have a new job that is actually at the university as well and I am moving out of home (kind of). 

First off - university. I’ve kind of touched on this in my last post but I thought I’d dive into more depth of what I’ll be doing etc now. I will be doing what is called a conjoint degree - basically studying for two degrees at the same time. My main degree will be a bachelor in Law (LLB) and bachelor of Arts (BA) First year law I will be studying intro to legal system, case law and statute law. As for the BA, the subjects I’m taking are international relations, criminology and theatre. Musical theatre was a big part of my life when I was little so getting back to even a taste of that will be magical. My timetable is full on and I will be extremely tired, especially with endo, but I am so motivated to just make it happen since I have waited so long for it and worked so hard to get where I am now.

To make university even more exciting and getting me on the edge of my seat in terms of wanting to start straight away is I obtained a job at a bar/cafe inside the university called The Hunter Lounge. Working and studying in the same place - how good is that?? Everything has fallen into place all at the same time and I go to bed at night so happy knowing everything is finally working out the way I had always hoped it would.

Thirdly! I am (not officially) moving out of home! On my days of study I will be staying closer to the university and coming home on the weekends. Just a stepping stone until I flat with fellow minded people from uni. It’s a step in the right direction and gaining some of my own independence as well as being in a new environment and being around a quiet place (which is always a bonus for study). Not to mention the fact one of my neighbours is a lawyer - who practices the same types of law that I want to. 

In terms of endo - the pain has been dying down a little and not being so prominent every day. The only negative thing that has happened with endo recently is the return of bleeding during intercourse. Now, it went away for a while so I was happy in the knowledge that it wasn’t going to happen again but then it decided to make itself known. Which to say in the least was a tad embarrassing so I went to doctor google as well as some endo sisters and everything that I am doing in terms of birth control and pain relief for endo is a contributor to mid-sex bleeding. Ahh, the joys. 

That’s all from me for now!

Lots of love,

Brie xx

2016

So it’s the New Year! And it has been a bit of a while since I last wrote a post; and yes I have slapped my own hand for my slackness. 

There are a lot of things that have happened since my last post that I need to bring you up to speed on. 

Fiji was fabulous! I did get a cold literally a couple of days before I went but it left relatively quickly - did feel like absolute rubbish the first night there though. Pretty sure the hot weather helped as well! After I got over that little hurdle, the ultimate fun began. I fell more in love with my little brothers (which I had no idea was possible) and it was extremely therapeutic to be around a relaxed environment, surrounded by the nicest people I have ever met. The difference between one country and another really astounded me and opened my eyes. It definitely has given me wanderlust and made me realise how important travelling is to broaden your perspective on things in your own life and others around you. But I digress. I went snorkelling which was on a day boat trip to a separate island off of Fiji and it was truly magical. We learnt all the uses of a coconut, how different coconut products are made and the history of Fiji. I met some lovely people (the majority of whom were from Australia) and it was so interesting how different each person was and what they do as a profession.

One big thing that has recently happened is I got accepted into law at Victoria University! So as of late February I will be starting my work towards my future career. Asides from law I will also be studying international relations, criminology and theatre. This part of my life has been a long time coming. Endo really impacted my study life and has put me back a couple of years; so finally getting to this point makes me a little but emotional when I think about it. It’s really given me encouragement that endometriosis cannot control every aspect of my life - it definitely influences every part but not control which I previously thought it did. Victoria University has a lot of disability services that can help assist me in my study should endo get the better of me at certain times that I cannot predict coming.

Moving out of home is also going to be a thing to happen to me this year. Which I am extremely excited about. Being closer to University and in an environment where the median age is not over 50 sounds like heaven to me right now. Where I can sit around the parade with an ice-cream on a beautiful sunny day.

In terms of endometriosis, my pain is definitely becoming more frequent and intensifying each time but I am really going to try and get through the first year of university without surgery. I can definitely feel it growing back - especially on my bowel. For the first time ever I had to stop mid intercourse because I was in so much pain - and that really upset me. Was hoping that I wouldn’t be one of those endo girls going through the pain (literally) of not being able to enjoy something that is meant to be enjoyed.

I can’t think of anything else that you all need to be updated on but I will be sure to check in more than once every couple of months.

Lots of love,

Brie xx

Update

Hello lovelies!

Yes, it has been a while since I have written a post - life has been pretty hectic until a few days ago. Study was full on but now that my exam is done and over with I am free until next year!

So, what am I going to be doing for the next collation of months coming up until I start study again? Well, well, well. The most exciting of times - new experiences! In the next couple of weeks I will be travelling to Fiji to stay for a week with my father, step mum and little brothers. Of course, I have to factor endo into this. To cover all my bases, I’m taking my medicine in their original packaging which has my name on it to prove they are mine and also a doctors note verifying this just in case I get questioned on it. Better to be safe than sorry! Also need to check if I can take my wheat pack into the country. Would like to have all necessities just in case I have an endo attack as I’m sure all endo ladies could agree with.

I am also working at the moment in a small local law office which I love so much. The people that I work with are amazing and are so great at giving advice, teaching me new things about the law and generally showing me the ropes of how a law office runs. What I mainly do is scan documents, man the reception desk and go on general errands like getting mail and food (who could forget the food). My contract is for a limited time, so I may also soon be on the lookout for full time work to save up that money for university. Plus it would be nice to do some more room renovations!

In terms of endo, I’ve been handed a pretty good stick at the moment. Last night I got a decent amount of pain and nausea which cleared by this morning in time for work, which was very lucky. It may sound strange, but I can tell that my endo is growing back, especially on my bowels. It’s the same pain I felt for years before my surgery and has only just started to come back in full force, whenever it decides to cause me discomfort. It sucks knowing that I will need to have another surgery in the near future, especially since I want to study and travel and have nothing holding me back any more than it already has. But I am doing the best that I can with what I have at the moment and all that I’m doing now is preparing me for the moment when my specialist tells me I need another surgery.

Hope this quick update will suffice for now! Until next time (and a much longer and better written post) keep smiling lovely people and catch you later! 

Love Brie xx

A Letter To My Body

Dear little, tiny, petite, skinny, blows-away-in-the-wind body.

You’ve come a long way and you’ve got the marks to prove it. You’ve got freckles, scars, scratches, bruises and anything else under the sun. You’ve also been through the ringer.

I’m sorry I’ve dulled you down from the unlimited amount of pain killers and birth control. But to be completely honest, you kind of had it coming. Because you’ve put me through the ringer.

As soon as you started making me feel so much pain that I couldn’t bear it, I hated you. I hated that you made me feel so shit about myself every day and I didn’t know why you were doing it to me. Telling people how I was feeling made them think I was crazy which in turn made me think I actually was. You made me lose friends, end relationships and cause tension in my family. You pushed me around, made me have sleepless nights and cancel important plans. You’ve put me behind in my education and not at the same level as my peers. I’ll never be able to forgive you for that. 

On 20th October 2015 you were exposed for what you are doing to me. It all made sense but that’s when I understood you’re never going to stop. You have no empathy, even when I was depressed and not motivated to do anything with my life you continued to cause me more pain.

It took me a while to realise it’s not all your fault though, there’s something inside you that you can’t fight on your own. And the way you made me feel was you telling me you’re not okay and not well. So even though you’ve caused me a lot of pain; physical and emotional, I understand what you’re going through and I’m with you all the way until death. I will try my best to give you all the rest you need and a fulfilled, exciting time with me. Unfortunately you’ll have to go through countless surgeries, pain medications, poking and prodding by random people with name tags and needles (and we know how much we hate needles). 

I’m going to treat you well for sticking with me through my own tough times. Through heartache, victories, let downs and moments that will change my life forever. You've been loved by a boy despite your scars and that will come again in the future. I know you and the issue we both have reacts to stress, so I’ll try and keep that to a minimum as much as I can. Also, thanks for liking Doritos so much because they’re quite important to me. One change you will notice soon is you’re going to have a decoration (also known as a tattoo). I’m doing it for the both of us, it will serve as a reminder to us everyday why we fight. Because only we know what we go through every single day. 

I will put on a brave face for you every minute of every moment, no matter what you decide to throw my way. I will be smiling after every surgery, every doctor and specialist appointment, every emergency hospital visit. Most likely in the form of puns and flirting shamelessly with nurses.

Despite all we have been through, I’ve come to love you again. It’s been a long journey to get there. Sure some days I’ll get angry at you, but I will never stop loving you again. You’ve made me a more positive person, so thank you for that.

Lots of love,

Brie xx

PS: Keep those ovaries healthy, I need them for something important in the near future.

Hereditary Endometriosis

Hey there lovelies!

I want to touch on a subject that is highly influenced by endometriosis. And that is the link between endo and genes. Now, in my own personal case, women on both sides of my family have it. On one side it seems to have skipped a generation, but I am surrounded by endometriosis. And therefore obviously was fated to inherit it. Recently coming to the realisation that genes have a lot to answer for, I’m wondering why I wasn’t born a male. But then I think I wouldn’t be able to wear mascara so it puts things back into perspective. Despite feeling like I was destined to be burdened to have this illness, it also provides me with an unlimited amount of support - and from family members! Which actually feels amazing although I definitely wish they didn’t have it in the first place. 

What is so confusing about endometriosis is that there seems to be so many factors than can explain how and why some women have it, however none of these factors have actually been proven because there is no stability and proper evidence to support it. But I am a firm believer that endo is being passed on in the family as one avenue of how women inherit endometriosis. It’s plausible that endo is caused by multiple factors, and it seems that mine is caused by genes. Of course every woman who has endo will have a different story; some will be the only ones in their family who has endometriosis, or maybe their grandma has it, or their auntie. It seems like endo picks and chooses whomever it wants. If only I could go back in time and somehow fight off that gene with a light saber. Then it would see who’s the boss.

Seeing a trend in that women in both sides of my family have endometriosis, it does raise concerns with me in the future. Having children is not on my radar at the moment - in fact it’s far from being in the forefront of my thought process however I am certain in the future when I meet the right person I will want to have children with them. And I do fear that there is the chance of a child of mine will be a girl and could so easily inherit endometriosis from me. Which is why I would ideally want to have a boy, I’ve seen the repercussions from my own mother on how she feels that her daughter has a chronic illness and is in pain almost everyday, and cannot do anything to make it go away forever. So body, if I could have a boy when I want to have a kid that would be great, thanks.

Lots of love,

Brie xx